This week was one of the hardest of weeks of the entire process. It really helped me pinpoint my desire to run to food in the bad times and the good times. The fast really highlighted this fact. On Thursday, we had a massive snowstorm. It was so awesome, and something that I dream of every winter! You can’t get better than a work-cancelling, 15″ deep snow, in my opinion! In normal situations, it would have been a time that I would have gone out of my way to stock up for the big day with all of the great snow day comfort foods…zebra cakes, hot chocolate, snow ice cream ingredients..the list could go on and on. But not this time. The day prior, we went to the store to get a few essentials…oranges, almond milk, veggies…how boring! That was the first time where I could feel my heart being disappointed that I was on the fast. My heart wanted to enjoy this snow day to the full, and for me, that is with food. It was eye opening that something like a snow day would trigger nostalgia of all of the Iowa winters we had at home. While we never went out of our way to buy snack foods before a storm, there were always snacks available. So, what do you do on a snow day? You hunker down with some snacks, and watch TV! Or, at least, that’s what I preferred to do.
But this snow day wasn’t normal for more ways than one. Even if I had been off the fast, I wouldn’t have been able to chill out and enjoy the snow anyways…because this Thursday, the day of the massive snow, Brian had a PET scan scheduled. It was one that we were highly anticipating because we had received great results back in December, and this one would either show even greater results, or show us that it had all rapidly come back…like it did the year prior. So, we really wanted to know what the results were. Also, we already had a DLI scheduled for the following week that involved Brian’s sister and her schedule, so it was not something we could easily rearrange.
With the snow coming down at a rate of 3 inches per hour, people were getting their cars stuck everywhere. There were literally cars stuck everywhere on the interstates. The news channels were telling people to not drive anywhere. As much as I wanted for Brian to get a PET scan, I honestly didn’t think we had any chance of making it down to KU in our vehicles. There was NO. WAY. All I could see was us pulling out of our drive way (if we could get out!) and getting stuck in the road right in front of our house. Then we would be stuck with a car in the middle of the high way and we’d spend all of our time trying to get it unstuck, rather than getting to KU. I was stressed. I mean, SERIOUSLY stressed. Brian was stressed, too. The thought of pushing everything back and having to rearrange everyone’s schedules for the following appointments, as well as the lingering thought of “what if it’s back?” had both of us wanting to get the PET scan, but I just wasn’t liking the thought of getting stranded for hours. We’ll just say we weren’t whispering sweet nothings into each others’ ears. In those moments, I wanted to do nothing more than fling open the fridge and eat anything and everything I wasn’t “supposed” to eat. I wanted to break the rules. I wanted to defy the boundaries that were set. I was angry, and I just wanted to be in control of what I ate. It was rough. Thankfully Brian’s parents have a 4-wheel truck and they came down and picked us up and got us to KU and back (it was a pretty crazy drive!).
The very next day, we had the PET scan results. The roads were clear and we made it down there just fine. At the appointment, we found out that Brian’s cancer has shrunk so much that the consider it to be technically in remission!! I was sooo excited! In that instant, I just wanted to go out to a great restaurant and celebrate!! I wanted to take a temporary break from the fast and celebrate like kings! While I don’t think that would have been a horrible thing (because that was a HUGE thing to celebrate!), when we went to lunch that day, I decided that I would stick to a salad. After all, this is part of what the fast was supposed to bring to light. In times of celebration (from the major celebrations to the smallest ones), I run to food to comfort me, to celebrate with me, to bring me joy. Instead, I found my my “praise” and “thanksgiving” to be even more pure when I went to God in my celebration.
That weekend, we had a special worship service at church..something we had planned several weeks prior. It couldn’t have come at a better time for us. It was an entire hour of worshiping God in different ways, experiencing His presence in unique and fresh ways. It was one of the best times of worship I’ve had in years. It made it even more special that we had gotten such great news just a day before. And, instead of going to food for some of my celebration, I had 100% of myself to give to God during that time of worship, thanksgiving, and celebration.
On that Tuesday, we had another snow day. Again, I couldn’t pig out on junk food, but this time I was a little more “okay” with eating what I knew I was allowed to eat.
In week 2, I also started a few days of “Breaking Free,” but I haven’t gotten consistent on doing it every day.
The 5k training seemed to get a little easier this week as well, alternating 90 seconds of running and 2 minutes of walking for the entire 30 minute workout.
I weighed in at 185.8 this week.
Week two was very eye opening…it was very, very good.