11 p.m. Just wrapping things up to call it a night. It’s been a full day. Hit the ground running at work today…trying to keep all plates spinning, trying to meet deadlines, without one plate veering towards a looming crash. Had to eat out for lunch, again. Ran out of time to make dinner last night, grabbing a take out meal, leaving us without leftovers for today’s lunch. Dishes have been piled on every square inch of my kitchen for at least a week. Laundry is never ending. Worked late today to finish up a project before leaving for the weekend. A long weekend. Thank you, Jesus. Heading to Iowa and taking two extra days off. Hope we can slow down.
Things dont slow down when I get off work tonight. Had to run to the store before coming home…nothing to eat in the house..again. Brian fixing his truck, I take the dogs for a mile walk. I accept the nice break to just get away…even if only for 20 minutes. Back to the kitchen to start dinner. Throw more laundry in the wash. Start tackling the mt. everest-sized pile of dishes.
Throw in a movie while we eat. Good movie. But never really relaxed. Back to laundry. It’s getting late. Brian’s beyond exhausted, so he wanders to bed in a daze. I feed the dogs..far too late for their liking. Take them outside one more time. Throw a huge load of wet clothes into the dryer. Guaranteed to still be wet in the morning after one cycle. Gotta start packing for our trip to Iowa, which will start tomorrow as soon as our eyes crack open.
Finally, the end of the day. Brian’s far into dream land by now. My mind swirling…thoughts of friends, worry of abandonment, hurts from rejection, fear of the future, feeling overwhelmed to tackle life, feeling alone. No sooner than turning the handle on the shower, my own flood spills forth. Never thought I’d be one of those women who cries in the shower. Now I am one.
Scared, broken, lonely, overwhelmed. How can I do this alone? How can I walk this road? I’m so Home-sick…Heaven-sick. Make this broken world come to an end. Put a stop to the suffering. How much longer, God? How much longer will you sit back and wait to restore your Creation? We are more than ready. We are anxious. We are groaning in anticipation. COME, Lord Jesus, COME.
There are days that it’s easier to rejoice in the hope of heaven. There are also days where we stare at the ravaged state of this world and we’re sick and tired of it. Enough already. Take this cup from us! Is there any other way?
But not our will, Lord, but yours be done.