Why I even considered it…

I was recently approached and was asked a question along the lines of “why did you consider dating/marrying Brian if you knew he had cancer when you met him?” I am not sure I have ever been point-blank asked that question before. I was grateful that I was. It made me think. Here’s my answer…

When I first met Brian, I was currently friends with a girl named Megan. Megan had a huge spiritual influence in my life…particularly her marriage story. Before I really got to know her well, Megan had married a man who had cancer, and two months later, he passed away. She knew he had cancer when they met, and when she said “yes” to his proposal. I never met her husband, but in the many, many deep talks that I had with her after that, God completely changed my life. I was in my college/post-college years, but for the first time, I felt like I truly understood what it meant to be a follower of Jesus. Their story and Megan’s testimony really taught me a crucial lesson: “my life is not my own.” I truly consider that to be one of the main turning points of my spiritual life. Sure, I became a Christian when I was young…but it wasn’t until college, and through hearing Megan’s testimony, that I truly grasped the concept of releasing my life and my control to God and pursuing hard after Christ.

So…fast forward to the time I met Brian. While Megan and I had gone our separate ways at that point, the fact that she had a huge spiritual influence on my life still remained true. So while I knew that Brian had cancer, I also knew that this may very well be the plan that God had for my life. I didn’t know what that would all look like, and I still don’t know entirely what that looks like. But I knew that if God was calling me down that road (and I knew that he was…because, HELLO, Brian is irresistible, let alone obvious that God had made Brian just for me)….If God was calling me to go in that direction, then I wanted to walk that path…no matter what may be in my future. If God used Megan and her husband’s story to change my life, as messy and difficult as that story was, then how do I know that he won’t use Brian and I’s story?

Sure, our natural instincts are to protect ourselves…we have a self-preservation instinct in us. But if God was calling me to walk a road that was sure to have pain at some point in the journey, then I knew that He would somehow get me through. And if God might want to use the story of Brian and I, then I don’t feel like I have the right to be selfish enough to avoid that story all together, for my own comfort and lack of pain.

Right now I feel like I’m coming up to the hill where the fear and the pain is starting to creep in….but I know that our God will carry us through. If I had to choose it all over again, just to have Brian by my side and experience the love and the marriage that we have, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I saw this video on someone’s blog today….it’s an illustrated video of a man and woman sharing about their marriage and the cancer they had to deal with. KLEENEX ALERT. It’s the cutest, most beautiful, and loving story….so sweet…and so sad. But totally worth the watch.


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