afraid to live

After watching Farrah Faucett’s story about battling cancer, and seeing the hope that she had for the remainder of her life and the peace she had about death, some things started running through my mind.

What would my attitude be if I knew I only had a short time left to live? Would I be more hopeful than I am now, with an unknown amount of years left in my life? Would i have more peace? Would I choose to be more intentional?

I think I would have unspeakable peace. I think my hope would be beyond measure.

Am I (are we) more afraid to live than to die? I (we) know what will happen when I finally leap from this world to the next. It’s definitive. It’s final. It’s the answer. And there is a great hope and anticipation for that. But life. It’s unexpected. It’s questionable. It’s unstable. It’s uncharted territory. There are a lot of unknowns. Lots of questions. Lots of twists and turns. I dont know what I will face in this life. I dont know what challenges will come about.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m more afraid to live than to die. I don’t fear the answer, but sometimes I fear the questions. I don’t fear the destination, but sometimes the journey. I don’t fear what I’m uncapable of doing. But I may fear what I know I am capable of doing. What I could be called to do.

But I guess that’s where faith comes in.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

a return to love – marianne williamson


One thought on “afraid to live

  1. I watched Farrah’s Story Sunday afternoon and it made me think that I want to value the quality of my life more than the quantity. I’m not sure I would go to those extremes just to live a little longer. But I definitely want to live a quality life. Enjoying every day to the fullest no matter where I am or what I’m doing. Seeing the beauty all around me and knowing that God is walking with me along the way.

    I think you have a point about being afraid to live because it is such an unknown and we often don’t feel in control. That is why the Bible tells us that we walk by faith. And that faith begins with our personal relationship with God.

    Thanks for the thoughts.

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