The other day I had a humbling revelation. One that I’m not very proud to admit but am ready to accept.
I am a “star performer.”
Before you start slapping on your definitions and labels and assumptions, let me finish. The staff at PV has been going through a leadership class and this past week’s session was on equipping. We were given a list of four leadership types, and we had to place ourselves in one of those categories.
1. Micro-manager: a leader who has to have their hands on everything, must approve of everything, must be in control of everything.
2. Star Performer: the leader who thinks they can do it better and faster, would prefer to just do it themselves, and hopes people notice the way they lead or the things they produce.
3. Absentee manager: the leader who assigns a task, but never follows up or is never around to answer questions or help out.
4. Equipping leader: the leader who delegates responsibilities well and walks along side their team to encourage, coach, or train whenever needed.
As I looked at these types of leaders, I instantly knew what kind of leader I was. I do think I can do it faster and better, and I most definitey want people to notice. But to say it out loud was actually really hard for me. I am a star performer? Wow. But the more I thought about it, the more I agreed with the label.
I absolutely want people to notice my work. And if I’m really, really honest, sometimes the only reason I like to design is for the sole purpose of the accolades. Dang. I like getting credit for my ideas in a brainstorming session and it erks me when someone else gets credit for an idea I mentioned first. I think things should go my way and be run on my system. I want people to always notice me. I crave people’s attention. I think that if I can come up with a catchy twitter update, I’ll get more feedback. I think that if I’m not constantly on people’s radar, they will forget about me…and I don’t want to be forgotten. It secretly fuels my fire when I walk into the room and people say the party or the brains or the fun has just arrived. Yet, I never really noticed this in myself until this past week.
So God has been prompting me to just be still. To remember that the people I lead shouldnt be following just me….but that they are following me because I am following Him. To remember that the value He gives me should be the thing I live for…not the attention of everyone else. And so for a week, starting Wednesday morning, I have been fasting from twitter/facebook status updates. And it’s humbling…it really is. Because Im just wondering how fast I have faded to the background because I’m not constantly jumping in front of everyone’s computer screens.
Maybe I’m really not THAT important.
God first. Others second. I am third.