After watching several compelling videos, we went around the circle and shared what was most pressing on our heart about generosity. Finally it was my turn. But the thing that was pressing on my heart the most was nothing like what everyone else said. I wasn’t being convicted to give up my own pleasures to give to others. I hadn’t had an epiphany that i have been blessed to bless others. I wasn’t shocked by the numbers they shot across the screen.
“I guess the thing that is pressing on my heart the most is that generosity comes naturally for me, which isn’t very common to hear…” I said. And then a lump shot into my throat. “I guess what is most frustrating for me is that I want to give and I want to be generous, but i just don’t have the money to do so right now.” The lump in my throat kept rising. I continued. “Last night I was on the phone with my mom and I was working through the numbers after I graduate, and to be honest, I dont even know how my income will be enough for me to live on, let alone to give away. I know this is just an odd season in my life, and eventually things will even out, but right now…as much as i want to give…i just cant…” And then the tears came.
I don’t normally cry. Ok, take that back. I rarely if ever cry, especially in front of numerous people that i dont know. But this time, I might as well have been holding back the Nile…which is just impossible.
Later that night we broke out for some quiet time to think about all we had been discussing. Meg and I shared a room for the weekend and as I was getting ready to go back to the big group, she handed me a piece of paper. On the paper it said this:
“2 Corinthains 8:12-13. …For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one doesn’t have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality.”
I still can’t figure out how the Bible says exactly what you need to hear, exactly when you need to hear it. It definitely got me thinking. And it really encouraged me. Its not about how much I have to give, its that I have the desire to give. And its not always about the money to give, but time, energy, resources, and talents as well. Generosity comes in all shapes and sizes.
It doesnt matter how much….it just matters if you are willing or not.