I’m 5′ 4″…im pretty average in height. But the other day Paul, a guy who works at Westside came up to me and said “so, you’re short.” I’m thinking “hmmm, not sure i’ve heard that before..but okay.” I just smiled and nodded (probably with an odd expression on my face). But then he went on to say that in the military, when a soldier’s term is over, and while he is waiting to be sent back to the States, he is referred to as being “short.” One way dictionary.com describes the word is “Being of relatively brief duration.” Ok…so at Westside, im short. Because this week (which was supposed to be last week) is my final week as the temporary receptionist. So, while my contract is over, im just working out the last few days until im done.
Except that today I lost my job at MNU. It was the job that I’ve been working at since my freshman year in college and was being held for me while i worked at Westside temporarily. With the lack of structure in the offices at MNU, and considering my position was just as a “student worker,” they lacked the actual communication and disciplinary actions that most companies have. I never knew that me being out of the office was a big deal, because whenever I would contact my boss, she’d always assure me that there wasnt much work to do anyways. I wasn’t ever warned, or disciplined for not being “consistent,” and it wasnt ever communicated to me that there was any problem of any sort. Like i said earlier, I’ve worked there since i was a freshman and have often had to take days off due to school conflicts, etc. Being flexible comes with a student worker job. So today when i was “let go” over email (which I had to call in to verify that they really were firing me)…you could say that it came as a complete shock. Parts of me felt like it was coming, just based on their attitudes towards me in the last few weeks, but i assumed that if something was wrong, I would be notified. I wasnt. So today when i was joking around about them firing me because i couldnt come in, i think they saw it as an opportunity to go through with it. Ouch. I’m kinda still in shock. I totally understand that offices need consistent employers. Im all about being consistent. But at a job that barely has any work to do, and is employing 3 other student workers, and has never given me any sort of verbal warning about the matter…i had no idea it was an issue. Sigh. I can’t believe this just happened to me.
But mostly, i’m just really scared. Because im realizing just how short I really am. And how much i can’t do life on my own. And looking for a job is one thing when you are at your current job…but its a whole new story when you are short and have no future income and have bills that dont stop when you lose your job. I guess its that God space i heard about a few weeks ago. When you have nothing more to offer, yet theres places beyond you that you have to reach….thats God space. Where God is the only one who can hold you up when you feel like youre drowning….and get you where you need to go, beyond any of your ability. I believe He’s my provider…but now is when I have to put faith to those words.
So im short, and all i can do is rely on God and im scared.