Tonight I really battled with the search for significance. Being single, with a good friend moving home, another friend becoming more and more distant each day, I’m really struggling to find where my significance lies. No longer do i feel important to these people in my life. No longer do i feel like i have something to offer them, to offer those around me. I’m starting to become someone who is just starting to fade into the past. I’ve really been questioning if i really matter. Do i make a difference to anyone? Does anyone want me, or do they just tolerate me, put up with me, work around me? I am in a search for significance. In fact, I even sat down and just typed in “significance” and “importance” into the search box in biblegateway.com thinking that i would just find a great comforting verse that i was important and that i matter to God, etc. I couldnt find any. Sure, i know there are some, but they just must not use those words. But i just sat here really frustrated. I am so discouraged, so brokenhearted. I just want to hear from God. I need to know I matter.
So i started looking back through some of my old posts from this summer. The posts where i shared how close to God i felt, how great my life was, how strongly i felt God’s hand in my life. The very posts where I said “I’ve realized this very fact: Its NOT about me , its about Him.” Multiple times I quoted John 3:30–“He must become greater; I must become less.” Thats when it hit me. Yes, I’m important to God, but in all reality, its not about me!! Its so encouraging to be reminded of that. When i feel like theres nothing i can say or do right to make people happy, when I’m just not enough on my own to matter to anyone, when im just not in the right life stage to relate to anyone…its okay. Its not about me. Its about God. And this is exactly where He wants me to be.