My trip to Sierra Leone

Well…this post is way overdue…but here it is. It may be the only post that I write before I actually leave, so I’ll try to cover all of the details.

1) I’m going to Sierra Leone as a part of a ‘Vision Trip’ from my church. This means that we’re the very first team to go there, so we can scout out the country and figure out which villages are most receptive to the Gospel. Our church’s long term vision is to eventually pick a people group/village to send teams to and share the Gospel. Once we have started a Christian movement among that people group, we will plant a church there. But our job on this trip is to take a first look at these people groups and simply share the Gospel and gauge the receptivity.

2) There are 5 of us going on the trip. Merle, our head pastor…Luke and Jason, our team co-leaders, and my friend Brooke and I. Since the main thing we are doing is sharing the Gospel, we have been using the T4T training book to learn how to craft stories from stories in the Bible. It still baffles me that I have heard most of these stories literally hundreds of times, and yet these people have probably never heard them in their lives. We are so privileged to have the Bible translated into our language (and more than just one translation!).

3) We are leaving Tuesday, May 22, around 3:15 p.m. We will be flying from Kansas City to Chicago. Chicago to London. London to Freetown…the capital of Sierra Leone. We will meet up with a missionary couple (and their 11 month old baby) who work in Guinea (just a country over from Sierra Leone). They will be our “guides” during this trip. We will also have at least one translator. The first night we’re there (May 23) we will stay in Freetown in some sort of hotel ($40/night). The next day, we will travel down the west side of the country (pending that the raining season hasn’t washed out any of the roads..pray!) and we will take a big motorized canoe across the Sherbro River/Straight…which is 2-5 miles wide, depending on where you cross. We will CAMP on this island for 3 days. Yes, I just said camp. I didn’t believe it when I first heard it, either. Sleeping on a tent…in a foreign countries..with who-knows how many reptiles. Jesus, help me! Most likely, we will be camping near the beach. Now THAT is awesome. We will spend the day among the Sherbro people and literally be telling them about Jesus..probably for the very first time! The Joshua Project website (linked above) says that there is “sufficient” evangelical movement in Sierra Leone, but from what we’ve heard and researched, some of the people on this island are buried so deep in the landscape of this island that they are scared of pretty much anything and everything…they have very little outside contact with anyone but local people. The men in our group will be trying to find the “Man of Peace” among the village…if the Man of Peace is saved, he has much influence thought the village to share the Gospel with others. There are no known Bibles or auto Bibles translated into their language.  The West African cultures are known to tell stories from generation to generation, so they are very good at remembering stories and sharing them to others…just another reason to be so prepared with Bible stories to share with them. We will be on the island for 2-3 days (May 24-26ish) and then we will head back to the mainland of Sierra Leone to the village of Kalo where the Krim people live. They also are very unreached. We will be staying in a hotel ($14/night) while we are there and will be sharing about Jesus while we are there. We will be there for another 2-3 days (May 27-30). The morning of the 30th, we will most likely start driving back up to Freetown and we will fly out at 11:30 p.m. on May 30 and will get back to Kansas City around 6:30 p.m. on Thursday, May 31.

4) A few things about Sierra Leone in general…Sierra Leone remains a land of suffering after a war that lasted from 1991-2002.  The people are still mired in desperate poverty, most surviving on less than a dollar a day. It has been ranked as the world’s poorest country for most of the last 10 years.  With the highest infant and maternal mortality rates in the world and widespread disease (malaria, HIV, others), life expectancy is age 47 and not rising.  One of its natural resources is diamonds…a place known for blood diamonds (conflict diamonds). Here are several links that have great information and statistics about Sierra Leone: Wikipedia article, Operation World article that helps you know how to specifically pray for Sierra Leone, and the Joshua Project that gives great statistics about the work being done in these areas.

Here are some pictures of the places we are going to go (the missionaries took a trip there last month to plan for our trip and they took pictures while they were there)…

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Revlimid

Two weeks ago we went to the doctor and discussed treatment options again with the doctor. After that appointment, we decided that we are going to go ahead and try Revlimid. It is primarily used for Multiple Myloma treatment, but it has been proven to have some success in other blood cancers, such as Hodgkin’s. It has fairly low toxicity, so it’s a less intensive option to try at this point. It only has about 30% of working, and 10% chance of possibly putting the cancer into remission, but those are the odds we’re looking at for most treatments these days. So, we figured we might as well try this one first.
The drug is highly controlled because it is a close derivative of Thalidomide, the drug that was known to cause “flipper babies” back in the 70′s. The drug company distributes it only through specialty pharmacies, and those pharmacies then deliver the drug directly into the hands of either Brian or I. The highest risks are birth defects, so obviously they stipulate that you can absolutely not get pregnant while on the drug. Other risks are possible blood clots, and the most common is the decrease in blood counts. This will cause Brian to get very fatigued.

Brian got the pills this past Tuesday, so he started them that night. So far, he’s had a few weird things that could be possible side effects…leg cramps, upset stomach, back pain, feeling hot, etc.

He will do this pill for 21 days straight, and then take a 7 day break. That counts as one “cycle.” We will do 2-4 cycles before we do a PET scan to see if the drug has had any affect on the cancer, and then go from there.

Obviously I hate that he has to be on any treatment or drug…I hate that it causes so many little side effects that can just damper his mood or physical feeling. But, I am still grateful that we have a few options to even try…so I suppose if every cloud has a silver lining, that may be the silver lining to this whole deal.

I’m preparing to leave on a missions trip to Sierra Leone (more about that in the next blog..) and I will be gone for 10 days. Knowing that Brian will be on this treatment without being able to be with him is very hard…it is just another dynamic of trusting that God is a better caregiver than I could ever be. Still hard.

So that’s the update for Brian, for now….

Previous Post

11 p.m. Just wrapping things up to call it a night. It’s been a full day. Hit the ground running at work today…trying to keep all plates spinning, trying to meet deadlines, without one plate veering towards a looming crash. Had to eat out for lunch, again. Ran out of time to make dinner last night, grabbing a take out meal, leaving us without leftovers for today’s lunch. Dishes have been piled on every square inch of my kitchen for at least a week. Laundry is never ending. Worked late today to finish up a project before leaving for the weekend. A long weekend. Thank you, Jesus. Heading to Iowa and taking two extra days off. Hope we can slow down.

Things dont slow down when I get off work tonight. Had to run to the store before coming home…nothing to eat in the house..again. Brian fixing his truck, I take the dogs for a mile walk. I accept the nice break to just get away…even if only for 20 minutes. Back to the kitchen to start dinner. Throw more laundry in the wash. Start tackling the mt. everest-sized pile of dishes.

Throw in a movie while we eat. Good movie. But never really relaxed. Back to laundry. It’s getting late. Brian’s beyond exhausted, so he wanders to bed in a daze. I feed the dogs..far too late for their liking. Take them outside one more time. Throw a huge load of wet clothes into the dryer. Guaranteed to still be wet in the morning after one cycle. Gotta start packing for our trip to Iowa, which will start tomorrow as soon as our eyes crack open.

Finally, the end of the day. Brian’s far into dream land by now. My mind swirling…thoughts of friends, worry of abandonment, hurts from rejection, fear of the future, feeling overwhelmed to tackle life, feeling alone. No sooner than turning the handle on the shower, my own flood spills forth. Never thought I’d be one of those women who cries in the shower. Now I am one.

Scared, broken, lonely, overwhelmed. How can I do this alone? How can I walk this road? I’m so Home-sick…Heaven-sick. Make this broken world come to an end. Put a stop to the suffering. How much longer, God? How much longer will you sit back and wait to restore your Creation? We are more than ready. We are anxious. We are groaning in anticipation. COME, Lord Jesus, COME.

There are days that it’s easier to rejoice in the hope of heaven. There are also days where we stare at the ravaged state of this world and we’re sick and tired of it. Enough already. Take this cup from us! Is there any other way?

But not our will, Lord, but yours be done.

Why I even considered it…

I was recently approached and was asked a question along the lines of “why did you consider dating/marrying Brian if you knew he had cancer when you met him?” I am not sure I have ever been point-blank asked that question before. I was grateful that I was. It made me think. Here’s my answer…

When I first met Brian, I was currently friends with a girl named Megan. Megan had a huge spiritual influence in my life…particularly her marriage story. Before I really got to know her well, Megan had married a man who had cancer, and two months later, he passed away. She knew he had cancer when they met, and when she said “yes” to his proposal. I never met her husband, but in the many, many deep talks that I had with her after that, God completely changed my life. I was in my college/post-college years, but for the first time, I felt like I truly understood what it meant to be a follower of Jesus. Their story and Megan’s testimony really taught me a crucial lesson: “my life is not my own.” I truly consider that to be one of the main turning points of my spiritual life. Sure, I became a Christian when I was young…but it wasn’t until college, and through hearing Megan’s testimony, that I truly grasped the concept of releasing my life and my control to God and pursuing hard after Christ.

So…fast forward to the time I met Brian. While Megan and I had gone our separate ways at that point, the fact that she had a huge spiritual influence on my life still remained true. So while I knew that Brian had cancer, I also knew that this may very well be the plan that God had for my life. I didn’t know what that would all look like, and I still don’t know entirely what that looks like. But I knew that if God was calling me down that road (and I knew that he was…because, HELLO, Brian is irresistible, let alone obvious that God had made Brian just for me)….If God was calling me to go in that direction, then I wanted to walk that path…no matter what may be in my future. If God used Megan and her husband’s story to change my life, as messy and difficult as that story was, then how do I know that he won’t use Brian and I’s story?

Sure, our natural instincts are to protect ourselves…we have a self-preservation instinct in us. But if God was calling me to walk a road that was sure to have pain at some point in the journey, then I knew that He would somehow get me through. And if God might want to use the story of Brian and I, then I don’t feel like I have the right to be selfish enough to avoid that story all together, for my own comfort and lack of pain.

Right now I feel like I’m coming up to the hill where the fear and the pain is starting to creep in….but I know that our God will carry us through. If I had to choose it all over again, just to have Brian by my side and experience the love and the marriage that we have, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I saw this video on someone’s blog today….it’s an illustrated video of a man and woman sharing about their marriage and the cancer they had to deal with. KLEENEX ALERT. It’s the cutest, most beautiful, and loving story….so sweet…and so sad. But totally worth the watch.

Approaching God with confidence

via megkeith.blogspot.com

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16

We approached the throne with confidence last Saturday night when the pastors at our church anointed Brian with oil. It was amazing to see 20-30 people come out to support us and pray fervently for Brian’s healing. It never really dawned on me that Brian COULD be miraculously healed the moment he was anointed with oil. Of course, God can choose to heal him in any way and in any timing that he chooses….but to think…WOW…our God is so powerful that He COULD actually heal him by just speaking the word. That’s pretty awesome.

One of our pastors prayed “God, we can only imagine what it must be like from your perspective. We can hear our prayers on this side of heaven, but you can hear every thought of every person in this room, and you hear them all equally.” WOW. Our God is awesome.

I didn’t pray out loud while we were there, but in my mind, this is what I was praying “God, we KNOW you will heal Brian. It is not a matter of if you will, because we KNOW you will. Because that is who You are. You are a Healer. The Great Physician. God we beg you and desperately want you to heal Brian here on earth. But we are allowing you to pry open our hands as we cry ‘Your will be done.’ God, there are a handful of times in the Bible where you actually changed your mind because of the cries of your people….and that is what we are pleading for you to do….we plead that your will will change to the healing of Brian right here and now on earth. God, we want your will to be done. God, we want Brian to be healed. God, we KNOW you will do so.”

Please continue to lift us up…specifically Brian…as we have tough decisions to make and potentially have some crazy roads to walk.

But even more than that, please believe with us that God is Healer and that God WILL heal Brian in the way and in the timing that He sees fit. We will be quick to give Him the credit.

Discernment

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11

The other day, our pastor spoke on the topic of discernment during a staff learning meeting. I thought his description of discernment was very fitting to Brian and my life these days. My loose interpretation of his quote was something like this: “discernment isn’t usually between glaring differences..black vs. white, up vs. down, stop vs. go. Discernment is often when you have to have to choose between two choices that are so similar, they only vary by a single degree. Discernment is having the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom to choose the right one.”

That’s how I feel these days. As if we were given two marbles…one is midnight black, and one is ebony black. How do you discern which is more black? Choosing between the few options we have left is like choosing “the lesser of two evils” and hoping you chose the right one. I put on Facebook the other day that I’d rather have to choose the lesser of two evils in the political world any day over having to choose in the cancer treatment world. It is not an easy task.

Here’s a few things that have happened lately, so you know where we’re at in the process:

• The doctors had scheduled an appointment with Brian for this Wednesday to discuss the treatments again, but we’ll have to reschedule that because Brian has a conference for work that day. (Praise the Lord that he can work) We’ll let you know when it is rescheduled.

• We’ve been trying to decide if we need to do a biopsy now or not, since we haven’t decided if we’re doing a transplant right now or not. Brian called the doctor for their thoughts and we were told that there is no need to do a biopsy until we decide we are going to do a transplant. So that was helpful to have a clear answer for that.

• It is really up to Brian and I to decide which treatment to do next. The Omaha doctors suggested to “watch and wait” until Brian becomes symptomatic again…mentioning that a 3rd transplant would be a last resort. The KU doctors seem to be leaning towards a 3rd transplant, reminding us that Omaha doctors don’t do many “donor-transplants” …and a transplant would be the only scientific hope for a cure.

• Some of you have asked “what happens if Brian doesn’t do any treatment?” The short answer is that eventually all of his symptoms will return (itching, night sweats, fatigued, weight loss) and the cancer will continue to attack his immune system, causing him to be increasingly susceptible to infection. I honestly don’t think we’ll have that long before the itching comes back. He’s already itching to a small degree. It will only get worse. And if nothing else plays mental games with you throughout this whole process, it is having an itch all over your body that you just can’t satisfy or scratch hard enough. At that point, we would definitely want to have a treatment chosen.

• We’ve looked at a drug called “Revlimid” that is a pill-form of chemotherapy. It is a pill he would take daily, and it works by blocking or inhibiting the growth of new blood vessels to the cancer, therefore, helping reduce the amount of growth of the cancer. This pill is approved for Multiple Myeloma, but has been in studies for Hodgin’s Lymphoma for the past few years. It has only shown 30% of reducing hodgkins, and less than 10% chance of achieving remission. However, there’s at least one or two people that Brian has talked to through some online cancer forums who have achieved remission with Revlimid and are still in remission 2 years later. So, it’s not an option we’re throwing out at this point. There are some usual side effects (fatigue, upset stomach, severe birth defects if a baby is conceived while on it – the drug is derived from the drug that caused all of the “flipper babies” in the 70′s, low blood counts, etc), but we are thinking that “it wouldn’t hurt” to try it and just see if it works in Brian’s case. You just never know.

• There’s also one or two clinical trials that Brian may be eligible for, using a few drugs in combination with each other, etc.

So these are the things we are dealing with, thinking through, praying about. We really need discernment and wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. Other than that, “life goes on” and we’re just doing what we normally do. Here are a few things to pray for:

• Discernment and wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. And for that discernment to come sooner than later.

• Peace and confidence with the decisions we make.

• Courage. We are willing to walk this road, but we are searching for the courage to do so.

• That God would be famous through it all. John 9:1-3 speaks of an ill man and addresses a crowd’s questions when asking why the man is sick. Jesus says “This happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” That is what we are believing about Brian and his cancer.

small news, but still news

Just wanted to let you know that the doctor called Brian today…

It sounds like the Omaha doctors would rather us “wait and watch” for Brian to become symptomatic again (itching, night sweats, weight loss, etc) before considering treatment. In their opinion, a 3rd transplant would be the last option. But our KU Med doctors reminded Brian that the Omaha doctors don’t do many transplants (or at least as many as KU).

So, Brian and I will be talking about it more over the weekend to figure out what to do with that information. Prayer for wisdom and discernment would be great.

Again, if you’re in the area, feel free to come to our church’s Liberty campus around 7 p.m. on Saturday night to pray for Brian’s healing. It won’t be long..it’s not a service or ceremony or anything…just some of our pastors gathering around Brian after our Saturday night service to anoint him with oil and pray for his healing. But we’d love for you to come if you’d like.

‘Til next time….

Anointing with Oil

James 5:14 says: “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.”

Our friend, mentor and pastor, Tim, asked us the other day if Brian would want to be anointed with oil and prayed over by the pastors of our church. Brian has mentioned this before, but it just hasn’t come together. But this Saturday at 7 p.m. at our church campus in Liberty, MO, we are going to gather with some of our church’s pastors and they are going to anoint Brian with oil and pray for his healing.

I remember my hometown church doing this a lot, it seemed like a ritualistic thing back then. But now I understand it completely. While science and medicine have their place, only God alone can heal. He can do it through medicine, but He has the power to speak it into being as well. What better place to start than to beg the father on Brian’s behalf.

We’d love for you to join us if you are in the area and would like to come. It probably won’t be a long, drawn out thing, but please know that you are definitely welcome to join.

No matter where you are now, or on Saturday night, thanks for begging, pleading, and storming heaven on Brian’s behalf.

Waiting

Thankfully, my  hunter is home. He got two turkeys while out in Kansas…one of them had big spurs and was the biggest he’s ever “harvested.” He also came home with a big batch of mushrooms…I will be passing on those. From what I’ve gathered, he had a blast out in Kansas, and it was great for him to get away for a few days. He also went hunting yesterday morning, but must have decided to sleep in today, because he was still in bed when I left for a meeting about Sierra Leone.

Yes, I’m going to Sierra Leone. For those of you who missed that, I was offered a chance to go on the vision trip that our church is taking. Of course, you must think I’m crazy for going at a time like this. Trust me, me too. I had originally emailed my team members to let them know that I wasn’t sure what I would be doing as far as the trip was concerned. I mean, how can I logically leave for 10 days at a time like this? But after talking with Brian after he got home, he told me that I should still plan to go to Sierra Leone. And, just in Brian’s style, he asked “do you not care about the Africans knowing about Jesus?” How do you answer that?  But, like I said, we talked about it and Brian reminded me that even if we do decide to go with a transplant, there will still be a few months of preparation in which he would have to undergo some intense chemotherapy. Since the trip is at the end of  May, that’s not very far away. Therefore, we probably won’t be into the hairy details of treatments until afterwards. (i hope). Obviously, if all things go crazy, I can always back out. But, i don’t plan on doing that. SO…yeah. I’m going to West Africa from May 22-31. Previous to our doctor’s appointment, I was pretty anxious about the adventure of this trip (uh, hello poisonous snakes), but now that my life is one big adventure, this trip seems like a tiny bump in comparison.

Right now, we are just waiting. Waiting for the doctors to call to let us know what they collaboratively think is the best option for treatment. Waiting for some direction. Waiting for some answers.

In the midst of waiting, here are a few things that have gotten me through:

• Lots of encouragement and support from friends, family and coworkers.
• This verse that a friend shared with me on facebook: “Just think—you don’t need a thing, you’ve got it all! All God’s gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for our Master Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale. And not only that, but God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.” ~ I Corinthians 1:7-9 (The Message)
• A reminder this morning at our Sierra Leone meeting that when Jesus commissioned his followers to spread the Good News, He warned us about the hard times, but also reminded us to not be afraid because we have his power and no eternal harm can come to us.
• Helpful tips from friends for how to handle stress in healthy ways.
• Being reminded that God does still perform miracles.

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

What matters the most.

Obviously…

I’ve been praying a lot, reading a lot and watching anything I can get my hands on that might have any sort of meaning for all of this. It’s been good, therapeutic, and reminds me of what matters the most.

Listen to me: I don’t know how this story is going to unfold. I don’t know if you’re reading this because you know us and want to show your support. I dont know if you’re just a random spectator curious how the next chapter unfolds. Or if you are just tuning in to watch the crazy roller coaster of our life scream away on it’s crazy tracks. People are watching and listening. And quite frankly, I’d give up any resemblance of a “platform” that we may have if it meant that I could just live a nice little white-picket-fence life with Brian. But that’s not what our life is looking like these days. So, if you hear nothing else from any other word ever written on this blog, I want you to know what matters the most in all of this…both to Brian and I:

In every twist and turn, in every sky-rocket high and every ocean-valley low, we will choose to follow Jesus, trust Jesus, love Jesus, talk about Jesus…..because we want MAKE JESUS FAMOUS. He is real. He is powerful. He redeems heart-wrenching situations for good. And you can’t find a morsel of lasting HOPE without Him. He loves us. He holds us. He sees us. He weeps with us. He jumps for joy with us. And because He made the conscious choice to step into our messy world and take on the penalty of death that we all deserve…He gives us the opportunity to have a real, tangible relationship with Him. He wants a relationship with me. He wants a relationship with Brian. He wants a relationship with YOU. 

And if you don’t know him, we want to introduce you to him. 

I’m not just talking about a relationship with a checklist making sure you go to church every day, make sure you dont say any naughty words, tallies the number of times you’ve opened your Bible or sang “Jesus loves me.” I’m talking about a relationship that allows us to go crying and screaming to Him in fear, a relationship that allows Him to wrap His arms around us for comfort. A relationship that allows us to ask Him the hard questions and a relationship that gives us strength when we’re ready to give in. That’s the whole reason Jesus came here. That’s the real reason behind Easter.

If you have time this weekend, grab your computer and just watch a few of these, if you can. You won’t be sorry.

LifeChurch.tv sermon: WHY don’t I always feel God?

LifeChurch.tv sermon: WHY doesn’t God always answer my prayers?

LifeChurch.tv sermon: WHY doesn’t God seem fair?