Role Model

Eighteen.

That’s how old I was when I first met her. One of my role models, that is.

I remember walking into Chipotle, a restaurant that was completely foreign to the little naive girl from Iowa I was back then. Oh man, what to get…what to get…what to get. How do I even order at this place? Good grief, those burritos are the size of my shoe. I finally managed to choose something by the time I got to the counter. ”Three soft tacos with chicken and shredded cheese, please.” I still get that same thing, to this very day.

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to tell someone “my story.” People ask about your story a lot when they first meet you..have you noticed that? I think that was the first time I had to do that. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t very exciting…i stuttered and stammered and was quite awkward (I still am). “Well…i grew up in Iowa…” But she listened. She didn’t make me feel like I was weird. I was. But she didn’t make me feel like I was.

She asked me to help her design some things for a project she was working on. Me. A freshman in college. She asked me to help her design things. Didn’t she know I didn’t have any education yet? But she was confident I could do it…she made me believe I could do it to. And I did it. I managed to design some things that I was very proud of…that would be shown in a church of thousands. Still, to this day, I don’t know what made her give me a shot.

Twenty.

That’s how old I was when she asked me to intern at our church. Me. This shy, awkward Iowa girl. I knew nothing about youth ministry. I still dont know why she even mentioned it. If I saw myself, I wouldn’t think I had a shot in the dark to be a good fit for ministry…let alone youth ministry. But she still mentioned it.

That summer, Jesus Christ changed my life from the inside out through the influence of my roommates, the staff members, and her…as my role model…and that summer, as my “internship mentor.” That is the summer that I realized that my life was not my own. God may call us to painfully difficult circumstances where He calls us to glorify Him and Him alone. Sometimes our lives don’t turn out how we expected them, but God knew exactly how it would turn out. That summer turned out to be one of the most defining summers of my life.

Twenty One.

I learned a lot about leadership and strategy and teamwork and ministry. I discovered a new passion in life. I spent time watching my role model, trying to learn how to lead well. Trying to learn how to make good decisions, how to be a good listener to students, how to deal with crisis and maintain a healthy balance of work and life. I grew a lot in both leadership and personality that summer.

Twenty Two.

Somehow I ended up on staff, working my way towards a similar role that my role model had. Do not ask me how that happened. I still see myself as a naive little Iowa girl. But people saw things in me. They seemed to trust me with responsibility. And when the time came that my role model left, I actually assumed some of her responsibilities. How does that happen? Who in their right mind would give some little punk 22-year-old the responsibilities of her role model? That is insane.

So here I am.

Here is my life.

And it is time for me to pay it forward.

It is time for me to give someone a chance.

It is time for me to give someone a shot.

Now is my chance to listen to another girl who may think she is awkward and worthless and has no value to add.

Now it’s my turn to be a role model for someone else.

I can’t keep “getting” without giving.

She was an agent of change in my life, and I aspire to be like her someday.

If it weren’t for my role model, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

I hope someone will say that about me some day.

Married at 21

I had my life planned out by the time I was 14.

Be a graphic designer.
My love of art and computers made this decision easy. And going into high school, digital art was just becoming popular.

Go to college at MNU.
After all, being a Nazarene in the midwest meant you were destined to go to MNU or another Nazarene school. The admissions department didn’t spend thousands of dollars on birthday postcards to send to 10-18 year olds for nothing.

Get married at 21.
In fact, get married in MAY when I was 21. I thought 21 would be a good age. Not too young, like 18, but not too old that you had to be independent at age 23 or something crazy like that.

Work in a church Communications department.
I thought I could use my talents in a place I really felt at home and passionate about.

Be a successful, influential woman.
I didn’t quite know what this meant, but I knew women who resembled what I wanted to be someday.

But life has a funny way of not turning out how you expected.

As I look through this list, I’m surprised to see that I’ve actually accomplished three of these things. And yet, I look at my life, and this is nothing how I imagined it turning out. Obviously even those “goals” didn’t play out as great as I had hoped. Sure, I’m in “a season” and “this too shall pass.” But really, I’m rather disappointed in how my life has turned out so far. Am I allowed to say that out loud?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely blessed. But I’m still disappointed. I look at this list, and even though things have been accomplished, this is nothing how I hoped my life would look like at 23. Goes to prove how great I am at planning my life at age 14. I didn’t really have goals beyond my 20’s. Which can make things tricky when you get past your early 20’s and have no idea what you’re supposed to do.

I’m not exactly sure what I had hoped “23″ would look like, but I know it wasn’t this.

So how do I learn to be content with what God has given me? With where he’s placed me? With where he’s taking me? With who he’s made me? How do I give up my own goals and hopes and dreams and trust that, “in Him,” I am made complete? That He has a plan to give me hope for my future. Not to destroy me, but to help me prosper?

What do you do when your life doesn’t turn out as you’d hoped it would?

My life is a frozen PB&J

We all have seasons in our lives.

And each of those season can often be summed up by one item, smell, memory, phrase, picture.

A dirty diaper would pretty accurately summarize a new mom’s season. A text book or a can of redbull would probably capture a college freshman’s season of life. Maybe the smell of aloe vera would accurately represent a kid’s season after getting sunburned over and over. Maybe its a stuffed animal. Or a photograph.

My representative object of this season? A frozen PB & J.

My life is so scattered right now that I barely have time to eat between the two jobs I commute to every single day. Driving 15 minutes south for 4 hours, only to turn around and drive 40 minutes north and work another 5 hours. It’s a 9 hour work day, with 1.5 hours of driving. It’s exhausting. And eating is often the last item on my list.

This past week, after running late in the morning and not wanting yet another fried fast food meal, I ran into Price Chopper across the street from the street in search of some PB & J. It was the only thing that sounded good to my weak appetite. I found the Smuckers Uncrustables in the frozen food section and grabbed a box, grabbed a 100 calorie pack of Pringles, and a bottle of water.

And there I sat, in my cubicle, busy working away in front of my computer as I ate my frozen PB & J sandwhich.

My co-worker, Debbie, came over and sympathized with me over my frozen lunch. “Your life is a frozen Uncrustable,” she said. “You don’t even have time to let your lunch thaw out.” Little did she know how true that statement was. I can’t wait for my life to be a little less scattered…a lot more focused…and not quite so frozen.

Yes, my life is a frozen PB & J.

God has been working on me a lot lately. He is continuing to show me where I need more of Him in my life. Continuing to show me where I need to surrender….and trust. Like I said earlier, that area of my life right now is dependence. Depending on Him..relying on Him…waiting on Him to meet my needs, be there to comfort me, to be a listener, counselor, friend.

Those things always seemed so cliche. yeah…God is my friend…ok. But the more I’m being exposed on my dependence on friends to fulfill areas of my life that only He should, the more I’m starting to see that He really can be a friend. He can listen when I want to talk and talk and talk….I mean, He already knows my deepest thoughts, so I dont really have to worry what He may think. I can talk to Him when I have something exciting happen in my day..or frustrating…or confusing.

Yes, friends are good to have. No, im not cutting ties with everyone and just living like a hermit. I still spend ample amounts of time with friends. But in those times that I’m with friends, I spend my energy developing the friendship, learning more about my friend, being myself, having a good time, creating memories, diving deep into discussion….rather than spending the time just hoping they will meet a need that only God can meet. Rather than running to them for every single crisis…when God should be the first one I’m running to.

So i guess I’m rambling. But I guess this is what has been happening in my heart lately. And I actually think I’ve made some really good progress. The time with my friends has now become so incredibly rich….I leave feeling full…rather than leaving disappointed and unfulfilled.

God alone is my portion and supply.

I think I’m starting to get that.

Seriously..this is how exciting my life is. :)

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
sure
You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
nah
Where were you last night?
Zona Rosa at the Italian Fest

What is today’s date?
june 7

Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?
lol…this guy that used it for every girl, and put it at the beginning of every sentence. and I told him “you really dont need to call me Babe.” lol. Awkward.

When you’re at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
Never. You know why? because every single time I do, it always goes crazy on the tampons, then the register guy has to come over and fix it. Seriously. Like 3 times it has happened. I will just wait in line, thank you.
Has anyone ever sang to you?
yes

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
yeah

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you?
depends on the situation
Do you think there are circumstances when it’s okay to wait for someone?
yeah

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
lol no.
Has anyone ever given you roses?
yeah
If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
heck yes.

How do you make your money?
staring at a computer all day trying to be creative.

What is your favorite color?
too hard to answer

What color are your eyes?
hazel

What is a compliment you receive often?
you’re funny (wait, is that a compliment?)
How tall are you?
5′7

Do you like your parents?
yep
Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
hmmm..dont remember.
Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
that is an impossible question. right now..probably sleep.

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
dad
How long does it take you to shower?
depends.

What did you do on New Years Eve?
PV Young Adults party
Do you have anything to say to anyone?
yeah…a lot to say.
Is something bothering you?
yeah

How are you feeling?
lonely

What is the last letter of your middle name?
e

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Hmmm…like 6?

Where is the person you love the most right now?
i dont know.

Is there someone you are completely “tangled” up in?
what? thats weird.

Is there anything/anyone you’re losing faith in?
maybe.

When was the last time you completely broke down?
its been a while.

Age matters?
no.
Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
yes.

Would you be upset if the person you like was dating someone else?
duh, isn’t every girl?

Are you scared of flying?
no
What do you sleep in?
shorts and a tshirt

Who would you do anything for?
a few close friends/family

What are you listening to?
silence.
What jewelry do you wear all the time?
ring, watch, necklace usually.
Would you consider yourself a jealous type of person?
i can be

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
no

Do you have a favorite item of clothing?
haha yeah…my gray Old Navy sweatshirt that is falling apart thread by thread. But i cant throw it away.

On facebook, do you like messages or comments better?
comments

Where did your last kiss take place?
do you think I kiss and tell?
Last movie you saw in theaters?
My Life in Ruins

Last thing you ate?
a kit kat bar.
What was last thing you drank?
diet coke
Do you own hair extensions?
no

Have you ever heard of beer pong?
yeah

Last reason you cried?
i dont remember
Has anyone ever said they wanted to marry you?
no
Are you happy right now?
sure

Who makes you happiest right now?
certain people

What were you doing at midnight last night?
going to bed

Are you left handed?
no

What was for dinner tonight?
my left overs from lunch
What is the last thing you thought about?
what I had for dinner
Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I have to force myself to talk about them.

When is your birthday?
February 9
Miss someone?
yeah

Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Good night, stop asking about that!!!! UGH.

Do you want to get married & have children one day?
yes.
What would you do if you found out the person you like was in a relationship?
didn’t you already ask this? I wouldnt do anything, though.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you like?
I dont like anyone.
Name one person you tell everything to?
I dont know.
Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
again…not applicable.
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
i dunno.
How do you feel about big trucks?
who’s driving it?
Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My head

Do you want someone to call you right now?
I wouldnt mind
Can you play an instrument?
not really

Are you mad at someone?
ehhh, i dont think so, no

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
that would be nice. ha.

Can you honestly say you listen to all kinds of music?
no

Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing?
snowing.
Have you ever fought over the opposite sex?
i never put up a fight.

Are you good at math?
kinda

Do you usually listen to your parents?
i try
Do you have any siblings? Do you get along?
one brother. yeah, usually.

Do you cry a lot?
not really.

Do you act more silly or serious?
depends. probably too serious

Are you good at keeping secrets?
yes

What are you doing tomorrow?
working

Do you have any shirts with funny sayings on them?
I have a shirt that says “Ive been exposed” but its not meant to be funny….

Are your bedroom walls a different color than white?
nope
What day of the week is it?
sunday

Have you ever ridden first class on an airplane?
nope

What’s your name without the letters a, b, c, x, y, or z?
ngie
How often do you wear a belt?
never

Have you ever had seagulls attack you at the beach?
no
Are you excited for anything?
hmmmm…can’t think of anything. that is so sad. maybe i should schedule a vacation.
Is there someone on your mind that really shouldn’t be there?
no

Do you always find it cute when boys call you babe/baby?
not at all. it bothers me a LOT.

Has a boy ever asked your best friend about you?
yeah. but usually, the boy is asking me about my ‘best friend’
Do you like your life right now?
why not

Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
Megan
Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell?
i think so…i hope so
Are you in a good mood right now?
just tired

Do you take compliments well?
not really

What bed did you sleep in last night?
mine

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
possible

Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?
i dont know
Have you ever gotten the butterflies?
is it butterflies, or diarreah? Just kidding.

If you could change anything about your past would you?
yeah

What are you doing this summer?
working, working…um..working…oh, and did i mention working?
In the last month have you wanted to punch someone’s face in?
yep.

Dependence

I’m just going to be really honest here for a second. And maybe this borders on way too much information. Maybe this borders on “woah, she should have kept that too herself.” Maybe this borders on “oh dear, this girl should just go write in her journal, not online.” But hey, if we’re going to be authentic, then here you go…here’s authentic.

So i’m pretty independent. I mean, I can fix my shower drain that isnt draining. I can tighten the bolts on my doorknob. I can move heavy boxes and furniture and all of that business. I can change my own tires and put more oil in my car. Ok. I can do that. And I could learn to do a bunch of other stuff if I ran into the problem. I can keep my emotions to myself, put up a wall to my heart and keep to myself. I can be tough when I need to be, I can act like I don’t care, and I can listen, instead of talk, all day long. I can lead my own life and take care of myself and keep myself occupied. 

But I want to depend on someone. I don’t want to do life alone. I’m tired of having to fix my own problems. This is the third time in the past week I will have to take my computer back to Geek Squad because something isnt right. The struts on my car sound like they have arthritis and the check engine light has been on forever because of a non-threatening fuel emission problem, but its really annoying and I need to get it checked out sometime. I can get all of these things fixed. It’s really not that big of a deal.

But sometimes it feels like a big deal.

Sometimes I just don’t want to have to do it on my own.

And when it seems as if men are just flooding into the lives of my friends, it’s pretty much a desert for me.

I’ve been clinging to this verse lately:

Hosea 2:14
Therefore I am now going to allure her;
       I will lead her into the desert
       and speak tenderly to her.

I’m not going to lie. I feel completely desolate right now. Stripped of everything. Hungry, tired, thirsty, weak. And when it is so tempting to just go to friends or anyone who will listen to me, I have to remember that God is pursuing me, wants to know my inner most thoughts and desires, he wants to woo me and sweep me off my feet…and as cheesy as that sounds, and as stupid as that makes me feel…I think I’m pretty open to it. I want to fall in love with Christ. I want my dependence to be soley on Him. I want Him to be my provider, protector, and sustainer. He is my portion and supply. Without Him I am nothing. He is the one who knows my depths and loves me unconditionally. He wants to invade me, love me, know me, pursue me, defend me, protect me, provide for me, help me, comfort me.

Right now, He is all I’ve got.

Maybe it’s best that way.

Since my last survey was such a “smashing” hit…

Top 5 priorities 6 months ago:
1. Finding a job
2. Making a good impression at my interview at PV
3. Learning how to make drinks at Starbucks
4. Letting my heart heal
5. Escaping reality

Top 5 priorities today:
1. Fall in love with Jesus
2. Make the most of every minute with friends
3. Grow as a person spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically
4. Go full time in a career
5. Wait for God’s “next thing” in my life

LAST

Person you got mad at? I’d rather not say.

Person that got mad at you? That’s a hard one. Probably my brother.

Thing you put in your mouth? a straw

Thing you said out loud? “haha. thanks”

Song you heard? I don’t remember what was playing on my radio this morning.

Time your heart was broken? Depends on what type of “broken.” 7 months ago.

Nickname you were given? Angeline –Merle

Time you worked so hard you thought you were going to die? haha…trip to Mexico last year?

Time you fell in love? Yet to happen.

Text you got? “thanks”

Text you sent? “cafe downstairs”

Wish you made on a star? You cant say that, or it wont come true

WHO

Do you love? my friends and family

Do you hate? no one

Can you never live without? Christ

Frustrates you the most? a few people

Would you take a bullet for? a few close friends, some students, and my family

Can make you laugh even if youre about to cry? Shelly Finuf

WHAT

Did you do last night? ran media at KCI worship team practice

Will you do tonight? Go to First Fridays in KC

Were you doing three months ago? Working out like a maniac

Is your ringtone? I have a few different ones, but my default is Che gelide manina by East Village Opera Company

Is on your mind? I’m excited for First Fridays tonight

Do you hate so much that it makes you angry? Human ego

Would you never do, even for a billion dollars? Jump off a cliff and crash to my death

Was the last injury you got? I did a faceplant in the church parking lot a few months ago….that hurt. But it was funny. This is why I dress for comfort, and not fashion. Things always go wrong.

Are you wearing? a red striped shirt, jeans, and flip flops…its friday!!

Is wrong right now? Wow, nothing that I actually feel like i need to complain about. That’s a good feeling.

Should you be doing? Working…or trying to find something to work on…

WHERE

Are you? In a cold office

Is the person you like? You tell me.

Do you live? Kansas City metro

Do you wish you lived? Someday, Colorado

Is your place in the world? Still figuring that out

Do you feel most comfortable? In the company of close friends

Will you never go again? Into the bathrooms of the girls dorm in Croc, Mexico. Well…never say never.

WHY

Are you taking this survey? Cuz im bored again

Is the world so corrupt? Sin

Is the sky blue? Would you rather it be brown?

HOW

Are you feeling right now? Kinda full…just ate a donut that my co-worker, John, brought me…so we could celebrate “Donut Day”

Long can you hold your breath? Probably a good 20 minutes. Duh, i dont know.

Much time do you waste on facebook? The word “waste” is very ambiguous.

Is your heart? At home. (isnt that where the heart is?)

Far would you travel for the one you love? As far as it takes

Would you like to spend all of your time? with friends. lol. they probably wouldnt say the same thing.

SPELL YOUR NAME

Without any vowels? NG    …dang, thats boring.

Backwards? EIGNA   …it looks like a Swedish name.

HAVE YOU EVER

[ ]played Spin the Bottle?
[ x]toilet Papered someone’s house
[ ]played Poker with money
[ x]been tickled so hard you couldn’t talk
[ x]liked someone but never told them
[ x]went camping
[x ]had a crush on your brother’s friend
[ x]walked in the rain without an umbrella
[ x]told a joke that nobody thought was funny
[ x]been in a talent show
[ ]worn somthing your mom didn’t appove of
[ ]been to a nude beach
[ ]drank jack daniels
[ x]cursed in a church
[ x]burnt yourself with a curling iron/straightner
[ ]wanted to be a police officer
[x]dumped someone
[ x]been hit on by someone too old
[ ]wanted to be a model
[ ]bought lottery tickets
[ x]made out in a car
[ x]cried during a movie
[ x]wanted something you couldn’t have
[ ]had se on the beach
[ ]had the drink se on the beach
[ ]seen someone shoplift
[ x]hung up on someone
[ x]yelled at your pet
[ ]gotten seasick
[ x]played a prank on someone that had them really scared
[ x]been embarrassed by someone in your family
[ ]felt bad about eating meat
[ ]protested
[ x]been to an island
[ ]been in love
[ x]ate just because you were bored
[ ]screamed in a library
[x ]been dumped
[ x]wished a part of you was different
[ ]asked a guy to dance
[ ]been asked out by a really hot guy
[ x]laughed so hard you cried
[ x]went up to a complete stranger and started talking
[ x]been sunburned
[ ]threw up in school
[ ]received an anonymous love letter
[ x]had to wear something you hated
[ ]cursed in front of your parents
[ x]watched a movie that made you miss your ex
[ x]been out of the country
[ x]been honked at when you were walking down the sidewalk
[ x]went on a diet
[ x]been cheated on
[ ]been attacked by seagulls
[ x]been searched in an airport
[ x]been on a plane
[ ]been pantsed
[ ]thown a shoe at someone
[ ] broke someone’s heart
[ x]sung in the shower
[ x]bought something way too expensive
[ x]done something really stupid that you still laugh about later
[ x]been walked in on when you were dressing
[ ]been kicked out of the mall
[ x]been mean to someone then instantly wanted to take it back
[ ]been given a detention
[ ]fell off your roof
[ ]pretended you were scared so you could cuddle up with someone
[x ]had a deer jump in front of your car
[ ]threatened someone with a water gun

CAN YOU

[ x]Unwrap a starburst with your tounge
[ x]sing
[ x]open your eyes underwater
[ ]eat whatever you want and not have to worry
[ x]ice skate
[ ]sing in front of a crowd
[ x]whistle
[ ]do thirty pull ups
[ ]walk in really high heals
[ x]eat super spicy foods
[ ]skateboard
[ ]sleep with the lights on
[ x]mulititask
[ ]touch your nose with your tounge
[ ]fall asleep easily in the car
[ x]do the cotton eye joe
[ x]play ddr and not fall
[ ]surf
[ ]fit in your locker
[ ]do a split
[ x]taste the difference between pepsi and coke

A random questionnaire…cuz I’m bored.

65 Questions You’ve Probably Never Been Asked…

1. First thing you wash in the shower? hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? navy blue

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? lol…uhhh…

4. Do you plan outfits? on occasion…but most of the time it’s whatever is clean…or clean enough to iron off of the floor.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? bored and ready to leave my first job and head up to Pleasant Valley to get started on some projects…

6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? my cell phone

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Haha…wow…I can’t say. Not because it was inappropriate…it was just odd and awkward.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? not yet, but it’s not even 9 a.m. yet.

9. What are you craving right now? surprisingly, nothing.

10. Do you floss? Sometimes, but not enough.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? “ewww” or Cabbage Patch Dolls…or…isn’t that what Snuffelupugus eats on Sesame Street?

12. Are you emotional? Depends. Not often in front of people. Although I guess my moods can be all over the place, so maybe.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? Yes, we had to write it out one time for a project in first grade. I dunno why.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? who bites their ice cream?! crazy people.

15. Do you like your hair? yeah…unless it’s humid. Then I want to shave it off.

16. Do you like yourself? Actually yeah, I do. I think I’m awesome. haha.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? totally

18. What are you listening to right now? The silence of my office…myself typing…the air conditioner blowing. It’s quite sad. I’m the only one in here today.

19. Are your parents strict? uh….i think they used to be when i lived there….but i was a teenager, so maybe thats not an accurate scenario.

20. Would you go sky diving? in a heartbeat. Maybe before I’m 25. Anyone want to come with me?

21. Do you like cottage cheese? ew. chunky milk.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? I saw Barack Obama before he became president..but there were like a ton of people there, so i never shook his hand or anything. Um…im sure i have..but i dont remember. Sad.

 
23. Do you rent movies often? Sometimes on boring weekends…redbox.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? i dont see anything sparkly. unless you want to count the candy wrappers in the candy jar. Feels pretty masculine in this place…uhhh..yeah…

25. How many countries have you visited? US doesnt count right? I guess 4. Canada, Mexico, Jamaica, South Africa. But someday I’ll travel the globe.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? hahahahahhahahahah OH MY WORD. YES. THAT JUST REMINDED ME OF THE BEST STORY OF MY LIFE!!!

27. Ever been on a train? yes

28. Brown or white eggs? I dunno…is this a racist question?

29. Do you have a cell phone? yes

30. Do you use chap stick? yeah

31. Do you own a gun? nope

32. Can you use chop sticks? yeah, i’m slowly progressing. I’m not a pro, that’s for sure.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? KCI worship team at their practice.

34. Are you too forgiving? Sometimes I can be, yeah. Othertimes I’m the opposite.

35. Ever been in love? no

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? The word “best friend” has way too many expectations and connotations tied to it.

37. Ever have cream puffs? sick.

38. Last time you cried? Hmm…I think last Sunday. Maybe I am emotional. Thats not even a week ago. lol.

39. What was the last question you asked? “do you mind driving?”

40. Favorite time of the year? winter..or fall. I dunno. I like bits and pieces of each season.

41. Do you have any tattoos? nope

42. Are you sarcastic? dude, i’m not sarcastic AT all. how dare you ask me that question. i’m so incredibly offended right now, it’s not even funny. Just leave. Turn around and leave. We’re not friends anymore. Pshhhhh….

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yes..makes you think!

44. Ever walked into a wall? Hahahaha…oh so many times.

45. Favorite color? Thats an impossible question for a designer. But I’m really digging the apple green/chatreuse color…as well as a blue-teal color. A dark crimson red is always awesome, and dark chocolate brown. I also like burnt orange.

46. Have you ever slapped someone? yes. high school best friend when she acted like she was really upset about something, fake crying, and i was trying to be a good friend by comforting her, and then she started laughing. I slapped her as hard as I could. I still get mad when i think about that. haha. You remember that Megan? lol.

47. Is your hair curly? ha. Ask me that on a rainy day.

48. What was the last CD you bought? Hillsongs UNITED//Tear Down The Walls
49. Do looks matter? sometimes

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I’d like to think I could

51. Is your phone bill sky high? its more than i’d like it to be, but no, its not sky high.

52. Do you like your life right now? yeah, for the most part

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? Nope.

54. Can you handle the truth? Yes. although its not always easy to hear. But i appreciate people who get up enough courage and care enough about you to tell you even when its hard to hear.

55. Do you have good vision? Eh…its not perfect, but its not awful either.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I’d have to say no, i dont think so. We’re all different and all do things differently…that’s life.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? Not often

58. The last person you held hands with? these questions are lame.

59. What are you wearing? a pink shirt, jean capris, and banana yellow heels
60. What is your favorite animal? currently, dogs.

61. Where was your profile picture taken at? In my hometown, with the fam, by an awesome photographer.

62. Can you hula hoop? Not really. Either not enough rythm…but I think its cuz your sides have to be fairly smooth. Mine, unfortunately, are not so smooth.

63. Do you have a job? Too many.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? Starbucks
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Hmmm…I probably have. I dont remember though.

Pancakes

Pancakes.

Pancakes = happiness.

Would you agree?

Think about it. When do you eat pancakes? You eat them on Sunday mornings when your dad makes them in the shape of Minnie Mouse. You eat them at 3 in the morning with friends at IHOP.

Fluffy, filling, and full of syrup. Goodness. Clog your arteries and rot your teeth kind of goodness.

Laughter, smiles, a good time had by everyone. All around those circular little fluffy things we call pancakes.

I rest my case.

So who wants to go to IHOP?

An unfortunate death

This morning as I was reading the book of Hosea, this verse struck me. God is speaking about the Israelite’s unfaithfulness and ungratefulness to all He had provided for them:

Hosea 13:13
Pain has come to the people
like the pain of childbirth,
but they are like a child
who resists being born.
The moment of birth has arrived,
but they stay in the womb!

The next verse goes on with God asking “should I save them from this death?”

I just couldn’t help but get this visual of a baby inside its mother’s womb at the time of childbirth, just kicking and screaming and trying to hold itself inside of her body. Emerging out into the world would mean certain and inevitable pain. A tightness, a pressure, an uncomfortable and surely painful passage from the home it knows, into a new world.

The home this baby knows now is one of warmth, provision, comfort. No worries, no stress. It is in a safety net of security. Of course it doesn’t want to leave. It is at home.

But to stay there means death.

Have you thought about that? I mean, a baby is created to come out. If it doesn’t come out, it dies an unfortunate death. But to emerge means pain, growth, pressures it has never known. It means it will face uncertainties, unknowns, and a world of endless threats.

But it means LIFE.

I think we all have that place of warmth, comfort, and security. It may be a job, a town, a person, a dream, a church. But God hasn’t created us just so that we can be safe and comfortable and live forever in that sheltered bubble of a life. For sure, He has blessed us with those places, people, and dreams for a season of our life to grow and develop and be nurtured….but only for the sole purpose of emerging into a grander form of Life. A life with, no doubt, an endless amount of worries and pains and uncertainties….but a life full of endless possiblities and opportunities.

Where is your place of warmth and comfort? Are you willing to emerge and step out on faith and trust God in the next phase of your life? Or would you rather risk an unfortunate death?